hello, I'm a hippo

I know some women love being pregnant and every thing about it. I am not one of those women.

Last week in our baby class we had to make lists of the things we hate about being pregnant and then the things we love about it.

I hate...

• gaining weight. Thus far I have gained 35 pounds. I feel disgusting. My thighs now touch each other when I walk. I was looking at some of my jeans that I wore this time last year and it made me nothing but depressed. This is exacerbated by people telling me that I don't look pregnant at all. It's like what, did you think I was just fat?
  
• not being able to sleep on my stomach.
  
• not being able to drink. This is actually sort of funny though, because anyone who knows me knows that I almost never drink. Honestly, half a glass of wine pretty much does me in and I've never finished a beer in my life. But some of the hot nights this summer, watching Aaron drink a cold beer just makes me want a drink soooo badly.
  
• not being able to smoke hookah.
• not being able to wear what I want.
• maternity clothes. They all look the same and are boring.
  
• being tired.
• my face breaking out like a 13-year-old's.
• upper back pain.
• dealing with health insurance companies.
• doctor's bills.
• being hungry, hungry, hungry all the time time time.
  

I love...

• feeling Michael move.
• baby clothes.
• the smell of baby things.
• getting Michael's room ready.
• hearing Michael's heartbeat.
• talking with Aaron about all the things we're looking forward to about being parents.
• getting back rubs from Aaron.
• my tummy. Yes, I know this seems to contradict what I said about hating weight gain. But what I hate is the weight I've gained in my arms, legs and face, I actually like my pregnant stomach.
• ultra-sound pictures.
• imagining what Michael will look like. I hope he's a little mini Aaron...minus the beard.
  
• anticipating his first smile, laugh and cry. Thinking about the first time he recognizes me or says "I love you mommy!"
• reading books and talking to Michael, asking "how you doing baby boy?"
• having so much love love love for this little baby person, feeling like he already knows me so well and just being so excited to get to know him.

In other news, I had an appointment with my midwife today. Everything is going well--my blood pressure is good, Michael is measuring right where he should and his heartbeat is strong. Nine more weeks!

my little activist

I've mentioned before that Michael seems to really start kicking around anytime I'm reading or watching something that has to do with social injustice or bigotry. This week it seems like he's constantly doing summersalts and aerobics as I've been reading things about glenn beck's rally yesterday, the Muslim community center in Manhatten (also known misleadingly as the Ground Zero Mosque) and all sorts of other issues in the news right now. Sometimes I find myself wondering about Michael growing up in such a political/social environment filled with ignorance, hate and people using religion as a tool to spread both. It's understandable, being hateful and fearful is much easier to do than to actually think critically and try to understand where someone is coming from. In general, people are terrified of change and of anything different from themselves.

I don't know that I would say that I grew up in a particularly political household--at least not in the sense that my parents were really overtly involved in politics beyond voting. Though they both certainly raised my sister and I with the notion that regardless of where someone comes from or who they are that they are valid and worthwhile people who have the same rights as I do. I also became aware fairly early on that many people do not feel this way and that there is definitely a social hierarchy at work here in the United States. Lately more and more it seems that those desperate to keep this hierarchy in place are getting louder in their protests, and I can't help but get depressed about it.

However, then I think of my wonderful students, the people that I have in my life and how beautiful the world still is. As much as I might get discouraged, I have to believe in keeping up the fight.



"landing gear " by Ani DiFranco

hey little bag of sugar
floating in your biosphere
summon the courage
to put down your landing gear
and come out here

'cuz i am as exhausted
as a drowning polar bear
swimming around looking for a ride
and it's so god awful hot outside

and quit kicking me in the rib
every time adam tells what he did
man creates woman, he says
sweeping his hand through the air
like mister show biz

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

the candles are burning down
the music is fading
your pinata is torn
it is time to be born
death is at the door
peddling that old fashioned
blood and gore
here at the house of creation
cue the sobering moment
of revelation

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you


When I was around 5 I remember asking my mom why people looked different from each other, for example different colored skin and hair and eyes, etc. She told me that it was so we could all tell each other apart and find each other when we got lost. For example, if I got lost from her in the store, how would I ever find her again if everyone looked like her. I hope that's something I can pass on to Michael--that we're all looking for each other and for ourselves, so we might as well help each other out.

kick it into high gear

Well, I started writing a blog post about two weeks ago and never got around to finishing and/or posting it so lets try again shall we?

These past few weeks have been filled with meetings and more meetings and more meetings after that. But that's how this time of year is for teachers, and its a paycheck.

Otherwise I feel pretty good about everything. My classroom is set up, my copies are all made and I'm planned for both classes through September. I'm still waiting on getting all the testing dates in October to plan out that month.

I've also been working to get everything planned and in place for when I’ll be on maternity leave. Thankfully, I only have two preps first semester (meaning I only have two classes I have to plan for), which makes planning for a substitute much easier. I am hoping that one of my friends who I went through teacher’s college with can be my sub, just so that I would have a better idea of who was with my students and it would make communication a little easier too. I just really hope that Michael waits until fall break to pop his little self into the world. Fall break begins October 23, so as long as he doesn’t take after his mommy too much and decide to come more than one week early we’ll be all set. Though I’ll make sub plans for the weeks before fall break just in case he does.

A few weeks ago, my sister threw me a baby shower in her kindergarten classroom. It was really cute, and we laughed about how it was exactly one year ago that I was having a bridal shower, haha. Michael’s crib is all finished and set up, and my aunts went in together to buy a changing table/dresser which should be arriving any day and Aaron’s parents bought us a rocker that should arrive in a month and a half. So all that’s left to do for the nursery is to put away all the clothes and find some artwork to put on the walls.

I can’t believe how much Michael moves around now. At first it was really only at night that I could feel him, then it would be in the mid-morning as I was teaching, now it’s all throughout the day (and night, haha) which makes me happy because that must mean that he’s growing.

I’m also having some definite body image issues as both Michael and I get bigger. I do know that for someone who is 29 weeks pregnant I am quite little, but I still feel gigantic and wish I could just wear whatever I want like I’m used to. It’s not my belly that bothers me, that I actually like. It’s more that I can tell I’ve gained weight in other places like my thighs, arms and face—and that I am not a fan of. I also hate that my feet have spread so I can’t wear a lot of my high heels anymore. I went shopping the other day and was so sad to see an absolutely adorable pair of heels that I know I can't/shouldn't wear. Oh well.

I had an appointment with my midwife this afternoon and everything is going along as it should be and both Michael and I are healthy, which is really all I can ask for. From now on I'll start having appointments every two weeks as we get closer and closer to the due date!