hello there little one,

Today Aaron and I went to visit our midwife for a checkup. We got to hear peanut's heartbeat for the first time! Aaron and I started to get a little worried because she had a bit of a hard time finding it. But finally there it was! Aaron says it sounded like a a static dog barking, haha. I think it sounds like peanut is trying to run a marathon. Though I imagine growing your entire body from scratch would be pretty tiring work.

I am currently in my twelfth week. It's weird to think that soon I'll be in my second trimester. I haven't had any morning sickness in a couple weeks and I haven't been as exhausted. Basically I've been feeling, and acting, more like my normal self. I've gained 5 pounds so far, which the midwife says is exactly in the range of what I'm supposed to gain in my first trimester. Everyone says that they can't tell I've gained any weight, but I can. My skinny leg jeans have become extremely tight, haha. I've also been doing better on nutrition than I thought I was. I don't think I've ever gotten so much calcium in my life.

This week Aaron and I started writing journals to peanut. We each got a composition notebook and have been writing to peanut about what is going on in our life as well as in theirs. I think it will be a really beautiful gift to give to peanut when they're old enough to read and appreciate it. In my baby book I have a letter that my mom wrote to me that I love reading. Hopefully peanut will like our journals to him or her.

A few weeks ago I began researching, talking to people and really thinking about what I want my pregnancy and birth experience to be like. I know that I want to have as natural a childbirth as possible. I don't want to have drugs or painkillers unless absolutely necessary. More than anything, I feel a midwife is more about putting the experience of birth into the mother's hands and giving them a choice about their own body and their own pregnancy. I do think that we as a culture have gotten to a place where the power (empowerment) of birth has been largely taken away from women. I don't think this has necessarily been a conspiracy or anything of that sort, but I do believe there has been an effort from the (male dominated) medical community to take away the credibility of midwives and to turn childbirth into a drugged up, scary experience. I watched an interesting documentary on the subject called The Business of Being Born about three weeks ago.

The film is obviously biased and I don't think that Ob-gyns are all sitting in a room thinking of ways to screw women over. However, I do think that that is what is happening, simply based on our culture's desire for convenience and progress for the sake of "progress". I think there are two types of pain that our body can feel: bad pain which is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong, and good pain, which is when your body is growing, stretching, straining itself. I'm not saying that I think painkillers are bad for labor, I just don't like that they've become assumed.

I will still be giving birth in a hospital. I like hospitals, always have. For some reason I feel very comfortable in them and the birthing suites at Saint Elizabeth's (where I'll be delivering) are amazing, and even have whirlpools in them for water birth--which I am currently considering. Also, in the state of Nebraska, midwives are not allowed to attend home births, so even if I wanted one, I wouldn't be able to. Thankfully, my midwife says that Saint E's is really cool about midwives coming in and delivering babies instead of doctors.

Last week Aaron and I signed the lease and put down the deposit on the duplex that we'll be moving into in mid-May. The duplex has three bedrooms, one bathroom, all wood floors and a washer and dryer. The location is great, it's two blocks away from the Sunken Gardens, close to a park and the children's zoo and also only a few blocks away from Asher, Krystal and Tony. I'm so excited to move. We've found a new dining table and chairs and all we really need is a coffee table for the living room. Aaron and I decided to spend some of our tax return on a new TV and TV stand, that will be nice to have too.

Next week is my last week of student teaching, then I'll be subbing for the month of May as well as hopefully hearing back soon about a summer (maybe longer) job.