I am growing quite tired of the waiting game. Yesterday I had an appointment with my midwife and she told me that most babies are born after their due date so I should really be looking at the week after Michael is due for him to actually be born. So it's looking more and more like Michael might be a November baby. Michael's original due date was November 7, and them they moved it up to October 30, so I'm just hoping that he won't be born after November 7, because I might actually have gone crazy by that point. However, if I have learned anything this year, it is to go ahead and have plans set your mind, but to pretty much count on them not working out that way.
I would be okay with Michael being born on the 7th though, because that was my grandpa's birthday, and my grandpa was a pretty awesome person, so I'd be happy if Michael shared his birthday.
However, Michael is at least getting more and more ready to come out. He's finally turned around and has his back facing out--so no more "sunny side up" and my midwife says his head is pretty much in position. At my appointment next week (if I don't go into labor before then) she's going to give me an estimate of how big he is, though she said that from how I'm measuring he's probably a little bit on the smaller size--not abnormally small, I'm just not having a 9 pound baby or anything like that.
Last night I dreamt that I had Michael, but that instead of being a human it was a cat. Everyone was really nice about it and petting him and telling me how handsome he was, but I wasn't buying it. I knew it was a damn cat.
Not my child.
However, I do think Michael will be this adorable (probably more so):
So far I've been quite productive this break. I cleaned all our floors, got my oil changed, started reading The Lacuna, done some baking, cleaned through my itunes, cleaned through my closet, visited my grandma, got my quarter report cards done, bought my sister's birthday gift and finally started going through my huge stack of materials from summer school. So I've been trying to get my mind off of waiting for my little guy, though that's hard to do when 1. you're getting kicked in the ribs all the time 2. it seems like every woman in Lincoln is pregnant or just had a baby right now. Am I the only one who has noticed this when out and about? What's with the baby boom?
In the last bit of news and my attempt to keep myself busy, Aaron and I finally started watching Modern Family since it seems like almost everyone is telling us how much we would love it. Well, everyone was right, because I haven't laughed at a show this much since Arrested Development. By the way, this is totally how we're going to introduce Michael to people when they come to the hospital:
me: how terrible of a person am i that watching "i'm pregnant and morbidly obese" on discovery health makes me feel so much better about myself and my body image? tyler: NOT AT ALL. me: good, cause it totally does.
Oh me and body issues. I truly feel like a hippo right now, I can barely move around. I feel like right now Michael and I are having a territorial battle over my body and he's definitely winning. Last week when my midwife measured me she just said, "wow, you're really running out of room, aren't you?". My torso might be long, but it does have a limit. Also, Michael is still facing out instead of back, though I can understand wanting to be born looking out at the world, so I can't be too upset with him about that. Today Aaron's dad said that babies in that position are called "sunny side up". I have no idea whether this is true or just something he made up, but I like it either way.
I know this isn't sunny side up, but it was the best picture of a happy egg I could find. Hopefully Michael's head does not actually look like this.
A bit of bad news from the midwife this week: I tested positive for group b strep. GBS is something that almost 25% of all healthy women have, and it's cause isn't known. Most women never know that they have it because it doesn't cause any symptoms or issues in adults. However, for pregnant women who test positive for GBS, the bacteria can be passed on to the baby during labor and delivery. If a baby gets GBS, it can lead to sepsis, pneumonia, meningitis or even death.
This means that during my labor I'll have to be given penicillin through an IV every four hours to help prevent the bacteria being passed on to Michael. It also means that I won't be able to really labor at home for a while like I was hoping to because they need to start giving me the medicine as soon as possible.
When I found out about this on Wednesday I was so upset that I just went home and cried. I couldn't (and still can't) imagine carrying Michael for this long and loving him this much only to have something terrible happen to him as he's born. It was all I could think about to the point that I was still up at three in the morning crying about it.
However, I talked to my mom who reminded me that it's really not the worst thing that could happen, and with antibiotics the chances of GBS being passed on to Michael goes down to 1 in 4000. She also told me that her teaching partner had GBS with her last pregnancy and had to have the penicillin every four hours and that she said it wasn't a big deal at all and she had no problems with it. I also know that I should feel lucky that I've had a pretty easy pregnancy, and at least I haven't developed toxemia, which is something I was concerned about as my mom had it with both her pregnancies causing both my sister and I to be born early. As my midwife said, if this is the only thing that goes wrong I should be quite happy.
I'm still worried of course, after all it is in my nature to constantly worry about everything.
But lets move on to good things, shall we?
The nursery is all done!
View from the doorway
Changing Table and Alphabet Poster
All of Michael's little animal friends waiting for him to arrive! (plus all his storybooks)
Crib with Baloo, Gentle Giraffe and Happy Lion Mirror!
Little closet filled with little clothes and shoes.
This is the plaque that Aaron and I painted for Michael at Paint Yourself Silly, it's hanging inside his doorway.
Today Aaron also put together the pack-and-play in our bedroom, so Peanut can sleep in the same room as us for the first few weeks. Eventually we'll probably move it downstairs so he can have a place to sleep on the main floor as well.
In the corner there you can also see my bags packed for the hospital, haha.
We're really ready to go any day now, so I'm just playing the waiting game. Every morning when I get up I ask Michael if he'd like today to be his birthday, though so far he's decided to stay in. However, I must admit I'm very glad we waited until the first quarter of school was finished as it was very nice to get the first quarter wrapped up and to have been there the whole time with my kids.
Speaking of school & work, Friday was my last day teaching until I go back on December 13, and it feels weird to not have to be going in to work or seeing my students for that long. I quite honestly can't imagine what I'm going to do with myself all day. Well, that's not entirely true, I'll be planning for next semester, in particular for Children's Literature which I am so excited to teach.
I think my first quarter of my first *real* teaching job went well. I've grown a lot this year and I know I've definitely improved. When I think back to student teaching I honestly can't believe how horrible I was, if I could go back and watch myself I'm sure my jaw would be on the ground and my face red with embarrassment. I still need to work on discipline as I know I'm still probably way too nice to my students and now that I'm a little more comfortable with the curriculum and my students' abilities I'm excited to try some different things, because I admit I played this first quarter very much by the book. However the changes I did make to the curriculum (such as changing the articles we read out of the book and bringing in current events) were, in my opinion, successful.
My real strength is still in building relationships with the students, though I'm still not sure why, as this is something I remember going into student teaching thinking would be extremely difficult for me to do, as it normally takes me a really long time to ever get to know someone or make any sort of relationship/connection with them. I don't know why it's different for me in a classroom environment than it is in a social one, but I'll take it. On the last day of the quarter I had students fill out self-evaluations of the course and their performance so far, and one question I asked was what they liked about the class so far. One student wrote "well, I know I'm failing all my classes including this one, but I feel like you're the only one of my teachers who hasn't given up on me and listens to me."
I don't think I could have gotten any better comment, and it's things like that that I know will help me when I have to go back to work, even though I'll probably be crying all the way to school every day after I drop Peanut off at daycare.
So basically, you know, like Winnie the Pooh. I even have a tummy like him.
37 weeks pregnant
These past two weeks have been crazy busy, with two nights of parent/guardian-teacher conferences, the writing graduation demonstration exam (which is a three day test), the reading graduation demonstration exam (which ALL my students took and I had to get ready for), IEP and district meetings, homecoming, finishing up baby classes, meeting with my long term sub for maternity leave and everything else.
The end of first quarter is next Friday, and then it’s fall break, after which I start my maternity leave. So needless to say I’m getting antsy, because once I’m done with next Friday I basically have seven weeks off for maternity leave. This will literally be the first time I’ve had off from any sort of work or school since…you know, I honestly don’t know. I’ve had at least one job of some sort ever since my senior year of high school, so that means the last time I haven’t had at least a job and/or class was when I was 16—the summer before my Junior year of high school. That’s weird. The other day I went and got a book to read while I’m on leave: The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver. I’ve wanted to read it since it came out because it’s about Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo—and Frida is one of my favorite artists. I also really enjoy Kingsolver’s work, ever since I read The Poisonwood Bible however many years ago.
I finally got around to making some playlists for the hospital/labor. I ended up making three different ones because I of course don’t really know what mood I’m going to be in. All the baby books and such suggest having calm music to play while you’re in labor, so I made a playlist for that.
(a sampling from) Having a Baby—Calm
Fall in a River—Badly Drawn Boy
Fast as I Can—Erin McKeowen
Landing Gear—Ani DiFranco
Whiter Shade of Pale—Annie Lennox
Shadowboxer—Fiona Apple
Hold on Love—Azure Ray
Nothing I Can Do—Ben Taylor
Come On, Come Out—A Fine Frenzy
Anticipation—Carly Simon
However, I think that in some ways calm music (combined with the fact that I’m in a hospital) might give me the feeling that I’m sick, which isn’t really the mindset I want to be in. If anything, I’d think I’d want to feel strong and pumped up, like I do when I’m running (not that I’ve done any running in quite a while) so I made a “Work It Out Style” playlist as well.
(a sampling from) Having a Baby—Work it Out Style
B.O.B.—Outkast
Mercy—Duffy
Clumsy—Fergie
Beyonce, just, lots of Beyonce
Sari—Nellie McKay
Paper Planes—MIA
Stronger—Kanye West
Hip Hop is Dead—Nas
And then some more Beyonce.
Finally, I also made a playlist called “And Baby Makes Three”. This is a list of songs that I imagine listening to with Aaron and Michael as we hang out together that first day or so in the hospital and the first week at home with each other.
(a sampling from) And Baby Makes Three
What is Life—George Harrison
Tangled Up in Blue—Bob Dylan
Splendid Isolation—Pete Yorn
The Stoop—Little Jackie
Mushaboom—Fiest
American Land—Bruce Springsteen
Three is a Magic Number—Blind Melon
Here for You—Neil Young
Beautiful Boy—John Lennon
Again, all three of these are a very small sample as each playlist is at least 50 songs long.
Today I had an appointment with my midwife, and everything is still going well. My blood pressure is good, and this time she also checked my hemoglobin level, which she said was also where it should be. I also got tested for strep b today, and I’ll find out the results of that next week. Basically if it ends up I do have it I just have to take some antibiotics. Apparently it’s something that doesn’t really cause problems in adults and most people never even know they have it, but it can be dangerous if passed on to the baby. So we’ll find out about that next week. Oh and in weight gain I’m up to 43 pounds. Oh. My. God.
Michael has moved down lower (which I can tell), so he’s getting in position for popping his little head into the world, but right now he’s facing out instead of facing my back, which is the easier position for delivery, so I’m supposed to try a couple different things to get him to turn around. Otherwise he’s being a very good little boy. In another new development, he gets the hiccups almost every day. In fact, he has them right now as I’m typing this, haha.
In other news, this past Sunday was Aaron and I’s first wedding anniversary, and our fifth anniversary of being together.We went out to diner and ate the top layer of our wedding cake (which still tasted surprisingly good).
This has been quite a surprising first year of marriage, but in a good way of course. I am glad that Peanut stayed in long enough for us to celebrate our first anniversary sans baby though. Much as I love him I did want at least one anniversary to be just the two of us.
Five years ago when Aaron and I first started dating I honestly wouldn’t have been too shocked if someone had told me that we were going to end up married with kids (though I would have been surprised to learn how soon we would have our first baby). Aaron and I went on our first pseudo-blind date to a movie in September of 2005 and we’ve basically been together ever since that first time meeting each other. For someone who was so terrified of commitment and being tied to someone (especially a man) that I would pretty much intentionally sabotage any sort of relationship I got into, that fear certainly (and quickly) disappeared with Aaron. He really is the best friend and partner in crime I could ever have, and I'm so excited to have another little member of our family to love.
