"I think you've gotten like three times bigger since I last saw you."~Barista at Starbucks

34 weeks pregnant. I have no idea how this top still buttons shut.

My nesting instinct has definitely kicked in. I've been cleaning basically anything and everything. Yesterday morning I even went so far as to sweep and mop the basement.
Seriously.

We've got almost everything done and ready for Michael. Yesterday the rocking chair Aaron's parents bought for us was delivered:



Right now it's the first thing you see when you reach the top of the stairs, and I think it really just completes the nursery. We still need to hang some things on the walls, including this poster we bought:



Also, my mom found an old bookcase that my dad is stripping and re-painting to put in the baby's room as well.

My mind seems to have completely been taken over by baby thoughts, just baby baby baby. I am starting to get extremely impatient to meet my little guy and get to know him. It honestly is almost all I can think about.

I've decided to make sub plans for the month of October just in case Michael decides to pop his little head into the world early. Though I am hoping to at least make it through the first week of October since then I'll have gotten through conferences and state testing. After that, it's pretty much "come whenever you want baby boy!"

♥ smile.baby ♥

I just booked newborn photos for Michael!

The other night on the radio I heard an ad for a photography special for "blizzard babies" (which is apparently what Michael is) and started thinking about how nice it would be to have some professional photos of Michael as a newborn. There's just such a small window of time where they're at that precious little newborn stage, I think it would be beautiful to have it captured in some professional photos. That way we could also have photos in time for Christmas to give to relatives (so sorry family members who read this, I just spoiled your present). Plus we're finally getting our deposit back from the apartment we moved out of in June, so we'll have some extra money coming in.

There was one photographer here in Lincoln that I really liked but she was just so expensive. Her photos of newborns were amazing, but the prices were just really outrageous--at least for people with our paychecks, haha.

So then I went to the website of the photographer whose ad I actually heard. I also really liked their baby photos and their prices were much more reasonable. Also, the couple who run the studio used to be part of the studio that took my senior pictures six years ago (which seems like both a very long and very short time ago) so I've already worked with them before and was really pleased with the work they did then.

I did contemplate getting maternity shots done because I do think they're beautiful, but I honestly don't know when I would ever actually look at something like that or who I would show them to, and I really can't see having a photo like that hanging in my house. It's basically the same way I felt about getting bridal portraits done last year--nice idea, but just ultimately not for me.

So right now our photos are scheduled for November 4th, which of course just gives me one more thing to be excited about--as if I don't have enough to distract me from work, haha.

Speaking of work, things are going really well. I love the school I'm at and so far I'm keeping up with everything. I feel like summer school was kind of a crash course first year of teaching so I feel like I'm a little more settled than I might otherwise be. I made a few goals for myself with this school year and so far I've stuck by them pretty well. One was to send copies to the print shop instead of always making a ton at school. I was really bad about this during my student teaching and summer school--though to be fair, at summer school since I wasn't technically a teacher with the district I didn't have my own copy code so I always had to wait for the media specialist to give me hers.

Another was to have all my lesson plans done for maternity leave by the end of labor day weekend. I finished my maternity lesson plans this past weekend, so I was off by a week on that one. Regardless, it's still so nice to have them finished and typed up, though I still need to put them all together in a binder and make sure all the copies have been made. Oh and I need to get a short video about the Trojan War.

I had an appointment with my midwife today, everything is on track and yes, Michael is the right size. People keep making comments that I'm still tiny (even though I feel like a lumbering giant) for being 33 weeks pregnant. I know people mean to be polite when they say this, but all it makes me do is worry that something is wrong and Michael is too small. So I asked my midwife about this, and she assured me that he is measuring at exactly the right size and that the reason I don't seem as big is 1. I have a long torso which gives the baby more room and 2. I was pretty skinny to begin with so, as I've been saying all along, though I may not look super preggers, for me this is pretty big. For example, pre-pregnancy my waist was 26 inches, I measured just now and I'm at 38.
yeah.

More than anything I am just starting to get so impatient. I just want to meet my little guy.

hello, I'm a hippo

I know some women love being pregnant and every thing about it. I am not one of those women.

Last week in our baby class we had to make lists of the things we hate about being pregnant and then the things we love about it.

I hate...

• gaining weight. Thus far I have gained 35 pounds. I feel disgusting. My thighs now touch each other when I walk. I was looking at some of my jeans that I wore this time last year and it made me nothing but depressed. This is exacerbated by people telling me that I don't look pregnant at all. It's like what, did you think I was just fat?
  
• not being able to sleep on my stomach.
  
• not being able to drink. This is actually sort of funny though, because anyone who knows me knows that I almost never drink. Honestly, half a glass of wine pretty much does me in and I've never finished a beer in my life. But some of the hot nights this summer, watching Aaron drink a cold beer just makes me want a drink soooo badly.
  
• not being able to smoke hookah.
• not being able to wear what I want.
• maternity clothes. They all look the same and are boring.
  
• being tired.
• my face breaking out like a 13-year-old's.
• upper back pain.
• dealing with health insurance companies.
• doctor's bills.
• being hungry, hungry, hungry all the time time time.
  

I love...

• feeling Michael move.
• baby clothes.
• the smell of baby things.
• getting Michael's room ready.
• hearing Michael's heartbeat.
• talking with Aaron about all the things we're looking forward to about being parents.
• getting back rubs from Aaron.
• my tummy. Yes, I know this seems to contradict what I said about hating weight gain. But what I hate is the weight I've gained in my arms, legs and face, I actually like my pregnant stomach.
• ultra-sound pictures.
• imagining what Michael will look like. I hope he's a little mini Aaron...minus the beard.
  
• anticipating his first smile, laugh and cry. Thinking about the first time he recognizes me or says "I love you mommy!"
• reading books and talking to Michael, asking "how you doing baby boy?"
• having so much love love love for this little baby person, feeling like he already knows me so well and just being so excited to get to know him.

In other news, I had an appointment with my midwife today. Everything is going well--my blood pressure is good, Michael is measuring right where he should and his heartbeat is strong. Nine more weeks!

my little activist

I've mentioned before that Michael seems to really start kicking around anytime I'm reading or watching something that has to do with social injustice or bigotry. This week it seems like he's constantly doing summersalts and aerobics as I've been reading things about glenn beck's rally yesterday, the Muslim community center in Manhatten (also known misleadingly as the Ground Zero Mosque) and all sorts of other issues in the news right now. Sometimes I find myself wondering about Michael growing up in such a political/social environment filled with ignorance, hate and people using religion as a tool to spread both. It's understandable, being hateful and fearful is much easier to do than to actually think critically and try to understand where someone is coming from. In general, people are terrified of change and of anything different from themselves.

I don't know that I would say that I grew up in a particularly political household--at least not in the sense that my parents were really overtly involved in politics beyond voting. Though they both certainly raised my sister and I with the notion that regardless of where someone comes from or who they are that they are valid and worthwhile people who have the same rights as I do. I also became aware fairly early on that many people do not feel this way and that there is definitely a social hierarchy at work here in the United States. Lately more and more it seems that those desperate to keep this hierarchy in place are getting louder in their protests, and I can't help but get depressed about it.

However, then I think of my wonderful students, the people that I have in my life and how beautiful the world still is. As much as I might get discouraged, I have to believe in keeping up the fight.



"landing gear " by Ani DiFranco

hey little bag of sugar
floating in your biosphere
summon the courage
to put down your landing gear
and come out here

'cuz i am as exhausted
as a drowning polar bear
swimming around looking for a ride
and it's so god awful hot outside

and quit kicking me in the rib
every time adam tells what he did
man creates woman, he says
sweeping his hand through the air
like mister show biz

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

the candles are burning down
the music is fading
your pinata is torn
it is time to be born
death is at the door
peddling that old fashioned
blood and gore
here at the house of creation
cue the sobering moment
of revelation

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you


When I was around 5 I remember asking my mom why people looked different from each other, for example different colored skin and hair and eyes, etc. She told me that it was so we could all tell each other apart and find each other when we got lost. For example, if I got lost from her in the store, how would I ever find her again if everyone looked like her. I hope that's something I can pass on to Michael--that we're all looking for each other and for ourselves, so we might as well help each other out.

kick it into high gear

Well, I started writing a blog post about two weeks ago and never got around to finishing and/or posting it so lets try again shall we?

These past few weeks have been filled with meetings and more meetings and more meetings after that. But that's how this time of year is for teachers, and its a paycheck.

Otherwise I feel pretty good about everything. My classroom is set up, my copies are all made and I'm planned for both classes through September. I'm still waiting on getting all the testing dates in October to plan out that month.

I've also been working to get everything planned and in place for when I’ll be on maternity leave. Thankfully, I only have two preps first semester (meaning I only have two classes I have to plan for), which makes planning for a substitute much easier. I am hoping that one of my friends who I went through teacher’s college with can be my sub, just so that I would have a better idea of who was with my students and it would make communication a little easier too. I just really hope that Michael waits until fall break to pop his little self into the world. Fall break begins October 23, so as long as he doesn’t take after his mommy too much and decide to come more than one week early we’ll be all set. Though I’ll make sub plans for the weeks before fall break just in case he does.

A few weeks ago, my sister threw me a baby shower in her kindergarten classroom. It was really cute, and we laughed about how it was exactly one year ago that I was having a bridal shower, haha. Michael’s crib is all finished and set up, and my aunts went in together to buy a changing table/dresser which should be arriving any day and Aaron’s parents bought us a rocker that should arrive in a month and a half. So all that’s left to do for the nursery is to put away all the clothes and find some artwork to put on the walls.

I can’t believe how much Michael moves around now. At first it was really only at night that I could feel him, then it would be in the mid-morning as I was teaching, now it’s all throughout the day (and night, haha) which makes me happy because that must mean that he’s growing.

I’m also having some definite body image issues as both Michael and I get bigger. I do know that for someone who is 29 weeks pregnant I am quite little, but I still feel gigantic and wish I could just wear whatever I want like I’m used to. It’s not my belly that bothers me, that I actually like. It’s more that I can tell I’ve gained weight in other places like my thighs, arms and face—and that I am not a fan of. I also hate that my feet have spread so I can’t wear a lot of my high heels anymore. I went shopping the other day and was so sad to see an absolutely adorable pair of heels that I know I can't/shouldn't wear. Oh well.

I had an appointment with my midwife this afternoon and everything is going along as it should be and both Michael and I are healthy, which is really all I can ask for. From now on I'll start having appointments every two weeks as we get closer and closer to the due date!

new paint, new job

Well it's been a busy couple of weeks, but what else is new, right?

I finally made two baby registries, one at Buy Buy Baby and one at Babies R Us. I decided not to do one at Target because their return policy is ridiculous, they honestly don't have that much baby stuff and when Aaron and I went to go ask about starting a registry there, the employees were extremely rude. Unfortunately, there just aren't any places in Lincoln to register for baby things.

One thing we have lots of? Baby clothes. Younkers has been having a good sale on baby things so we have quite a selection from there. Also, Aaron's sister Rachael and her husband Justin sent us an adorable pair of shoes with little pirates on them (pirate booties!) and Aaron's parents gave us a little sweater they found with a skull and crossbones on them. Arrr matey. My mom also found some of my old pairs of overalls that my grandpa gave all us grandkids so we could be good little farmers, haha.

While we're on the subject of new things for Michael, last week two of my little cousins were in town visiting my parents so we took them to Paint Yourself Silly. While they each painted their mugs, I painted a piggy bank in the shape of a sock monkey. I think he looks so cute, like he's just sitting there saying, "Yay! I'm ready to be Michael's piggy bank!"

A couple weeks ago, my grandma told me that she'd like to embroider a baby quilt as a gift to Michael, so my mom and I went to Hobby Lobby to find a pattern that I liked. I eventually went with one with pictures from different nursery rhymes on it. Here's what it looks like.

I'm also currently working on embroidering some baby bibs and eventually I'll do a little crib pillow too. Yes, I know how to and enjoy embroidery. For some reason people tend to find this surprising.

Today Aaron and my dad painted Michael's room:

Original paint color. Check out my awesome taping job.

painting...

All done! And the crib is put together too!

Last week I ordered Michael's bedding, so hopefully it'll be in this next week and we can continue working on getting everything set up and ready for our little peanut's arrival.

I had a midwife appointment on Monday. I have gained twenty-four pounds. Ho-ly crap. Even though I know I'm really not large at all (especially for someone who is six months pregnant) I am starting to feel like a cranky hippo. I'm used to being able to wear whatever I want in my closet, and I can't do that anymore. I love Michael more than anything, but I am definitely ready to have my body back, haha. One thing I really love about my baby bump is that when I lay on my back, I can see when Michael is moving around. It literally makes me start laughing every time I see it.

Outside of baby news:

Thursday was my last day of teaching Creative Writing at Summer School. Overall, I feel the class was successful. There are of course some things I would do differently if I taught the class again and some things that we just weren't able to do due to the limitations of the course only being six weeks long. I'm really glad I was able to get the job, because I learned and grew so much from it and really started coming into my own more as a teacher.

On Tuesday I had a job interview with a high school in the district, and on Thursday LPS called me and told me I was hired! Needless to say, I am pretty excited, and a little terrified too, haha. I'll be teaching English 9E, 10E and Children's Literature (which is an elective course for Juniors and Seniors). So I'm taking this weekend to kind of relax and get my house in order and then I'll jump back into lesson planning and preparing on Monday.

This also means I get to go shopping for maternity teaching clothes. Darn, we all know what a chore clothes shopping is for me...

a bag of green apples

Metaphors by Sylvia Plath

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I 've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.