hello, I'm a hippo

I know some women love being pregnant and every thing about it. I am not one of those women.

Last week in our baby class we had to make lists of the things we hate about being pregnant and then the things we love about it.

I hate...

• gaining weight. Thus far I have gained 35 pounds. I feel disgusting. My thighs now touch each other when I walk. I was looking at some of my jeans that I wore this time last year and it made me nothing but depressed. This is exacerbated by people telling me that I don't look pregnant at all. It's like what, did you think I was just fat?
  
• not being able to sleep on my stomach.
  
• not being able to drink. This is actually sort of funny though, because anyone who knows me knows that I almost never drink. Honestly, half a glass of wine pretty much does me in and I've never finished a beer in my life. But some of the hot nights this summer, watching Aaron drink a cold beer just makes me want a drink soooo badly.
  
• not being able to smoke hookah.
• not being able to wear what I want.
• maternity clothes. They all look the same and are boring.
  
• being tired.
• my face breaking out like a 13-year-old's.
• upper back pain.
• dealing with health insurance companies.
• doctor's bills.
• being hungry, hungry, hungry all the time time time.
  

I love...

• feeling Michael move.
• baby clothes.
• the smell of baby things.
• getting Michael's room ready.
• hearing Michael's heartbeat.
• talking with Aaron about all the things we're looking forward to about being parents.
• getting back rubs from Aaron.
• my tummy. Yes, I know this seems to contradict what I said about hating weight gain. But what I hate is the weight I've gained in my arms, legs and face, I actually like my pregnant stomach.
• ultra-sound pictures.
• imagining what Michael will look like. I hope he's a little mini Aaron...minus the beard.
  
• anticipating his first smile, laugh and cry. Thinking about the first time he recognizes me or says "I love you mommy!"
• reading books and talking to Michael, asking "how you doing baby boy?"
• having so much love love love for this little baby person, feeling like he already knows me so well and just being so excited to get to know him.

In other news, I had an appointment with my midwife today. Everything is going well--my blood pressure is good, Michael is measuring right where he should and his heartbeat is strong. Nine more weeks!

my little activist

I've mentioned before that Michael seems to really start kicking around anytime I'm reading or watching something that has to do with social injustice or bigotry. This week it seems like he's constantly doing summersalts and aerobics as I've been reading things about glenn beck's rally yesterday, the Muslim community center in Manhatten (also known misleadingly as the Ground Zero Mosque) and all sorts of other issues in the news right now. Sometimes I find myself wondering about Michael growing up in such a political/social environment filled with ignorance, hate and people using religion as a tool to spread both. It's understandable, being hateful and fearful is much easier to do than to actually think critically and try to understand where someone is coming from. In general, people are terrified of change and of anything different from themselves.

I don't know that I would say that I grew up in a particularly political household--at least not in the sense that my parents were really overtly involved in politics beyond voting. Though they both certainly raised my sister and I with the notion that regardless of where someone comes from or who they are that they are valid and worthwhile people who have the same rights as I do. I also became aware fairly early on that many people do not feel this way and that there is definitely a social hierarchy at work here in the United States. Lately more and more it seems that those desperate to keep this hierarchy in place are getting louder in their protests, and I can't help but get depressed about it.

However, then I think of my wonderful students, the people that I have in my life and how beautiful the world still is. As much as I might get discouraged, I have to believe in keeping up the fight.



"landing gear " by Ani DiFranco

hey little bag of sugar
floating in your biosphere
summon the courage
to put down your landing gear
and come out here

'cuz i am as exhausted
as a drowning polar bear
swimming around looking for a ride
and it's so god awful hot outside

and quit kicking me in the rib
every time adam tells what he did
man creates woman, he says
sweeping his hand through the air
like mister show biz

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

the candles are burning down
the music is fading
your pinata is torn
it is time to be born
death is at the door
peddling that old fashioned
blood and gore
here at the house of creation
cue the sobering moment
of revelation

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you


When I was around 5 I remember asking my mom why people looked different from each other, for example different colored skin and hair and eyes, etc. She told me that it was so we could all tell each other apart and find each other when we got lost. For example, if I got lost from her in the store, how would I ever find her again if everyone looked like her. I hope that's something I can pass on to Michael--that we're all looking for each other and for ourselves, so we might as well help each other out.

kick it into high gear

Well, I started writing a blog post about two weeks ago and never got around to finishing and/or posting it so lets try again shall we?

These past few weeks have been filled with meetings and more meetings and more meetings after that. But that's how this time of year is for teachers, and its a paycheck.

Otherwise I feel pretty good about everything. My classroom is set up, my copies are all made and I'm planned for both classes through September. I'm still waiting on getting all the testing dates in October to plan out that month.

I've also been working to get everything planned and in place for when I’ll be on maternity leave. Thankfully, I only have two preps first semester (meaning I only have two classes I have to plan for), which makes planning for a substitute much easier. I am hoping that one of my friends who I went through teacher’s college with can be my sub, just so that I would have a better idea of who was with my students and it would make communication a little easier too. I just really hope that Michael waits until fall break to pop his little self into the world. Fall break begins October 23, so as long as he doesn’t take after his mommy too much and decide to come more than one week early we’ll be all set. Though I’ll make sub plans for the weeks before fall break just in case he does.

A few weeks ago, my sister threw me a baby shower in her kindergarten classroom. It was really cute, and we laughed about how it was exactly one year ago that I was having a bridal shower, haha. Michael’s crib is all finished and set up, and my aunts went in together to buy a changing table/dresser which should be arriving any day and Aaron’s parents bought us a rocker that should arrive in a month and a half. So all that’s left to do for the nursery is to put away all the clothes and find some artwork to put on the walls.

I can’t believe how much Michael moves around now. At first it was really only at night that I could feel him, then it would be in the mid-morning as I was teaching, now it’s all throughout the day (and night, haha) which makes me happy because that must mean that he’s growing.

I’m also having some definite body image issues as both Michael and I get bigger. I do know that for someone who is 29 weeks pregnant I am quite little, but I still feel gigantic and wish I could just wear whatever I want like I’m used to. It’s not my belly that bothers me, that I actually like. It’s more that I can tell I’ve gained weight in other places like my thighs, arms and face—and that I am not a fan of. I also hate that my feet have spread so I can’t wear a lot of my high heels anymore. I went shopping the other day and was so sad to see an absolutely adorable pair of heels that I know I can't/shouldn't wear. Oh well.

I had an appointment with my midwife this afternoon and everything is going along as it should be and both Michael and I are healthy, which is really all I can ask for. From now on I'll start having appointments every two weeks as we get closer and closer to the due date!

new paint, new job

Well it's been a busy couple of weeks, but what else is new, right?

I finally made two baby registries, one at Buy Buy Baby and one at Babies R Us. I decided not to do one at Target because their return policy is ridiculous, they honestly don't have that much baby stuff and when Aaron and I went to go ask about starting a registry there, the employees were extremely rude. Unfortunately, there just aren't any places in Lincoln to register for baby things.

One thing we have lots of? Baby clothes. Younkers has been having a good sale on baby things so we have quite a selection from there. Also, Aaron's sister Rachael and her husband Justin sent us an adorable pair of shoes with little pirates on them (pirate booties!) and Aaron's parents gave us a little sweater they found with a skull and crossbones on them. Arrr matey. My mom also found some of my old pairs of overalls that my grandpa gave all us grandkids so we could be good little farmers, haha.

While we're on the subject of new things for Michael, last week two of my little cousins were in town visiting my parents so we took them to Paint Yourself Silly. While they each painted their mugs, I painted a piggy bank in the shape of a sock monkey. I think he looks so cute, like he's just sitting there saying, "Yay! I'm ready to be Michael's piggy bank!"

A couple weeks ago, my grandma told me that she'd like to embroider a baby quilt as a gift to Michael, so my mom and I went to Hobby Lobby to find a pattern that I liked. I eventually went with one with pictures from different nursery rhymes on it. Here's what it looks like.

I'm also currently working on embroidering some baby bibs and eventually I'll do a little crib pillow too. Yes, I know how to and enjoy embroidery. For some reason people tend to find this surprising.

Today Aaron and my dad painted Michael's room:

Original paint color. Check out my awesome taping job.

painting...

All done! And the crib is put together too!

Last week I ordered Michael's bedding, so hopefully it'll be in this next week and we can continue working on getting everything set up and ready for our little peanut's arrival.

I had a midwife appointment on Monday. I have gained twenty-four pounds. Ho-ly crap. Even though I know I'm really not large at all (especially for someone who is six months pregnant) I am starting to feel like a cranky hippo. I'm used to being able to wear whatever I want in my closet, and I can't do that anymore. I love Michael more than anything, but I am definitely ready to have my body back, haha. One thing I really love about my baby bump is that when I lay on my back, I can see when Michael is moving around. It literally makes me start laughing every time I see it.

Outside of baby news:

Thursday was my last day of teaching Creative Writing at Summer School. Overall, I feel the class was successful. There are of course some things I would do differently if I taught the class again and some things that we just weren't able to do due to the limitations of the course only being six weeks long. I'm really glad I was able to get the job, because I learned and grew so much from it and really started coming into my own more as a teacher.

On Tuesday I had a job interview with a high school in the district, and on Thursday LPS called me and told me I was hired! Needless to say, I am pretty excited, and a little terrified too, haha. I'll be teaching English 9E, 10E and Children's Literature (which is an elective course for Juniors and Seniors). So I'm taking this weekend to kind of relax and get my house in order and then I'll jump back into lesson planning and preparing on Monday.

This also means I get to go shopping for maternity teaching clothes. Darn, we all know what a chore clothes shopping is for me...

a bag of green apples

Metaphors by Sylvia Plath

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I 've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.

Michael Dylan Ball

Last Tuesday Aaron and I found out peanut's gender















It's a boy!

We're naming him Michael Dylan Ball. Michael because both Aaron and I have always liked that name and Dylan after Bob Dylan




















because yes, we are that cool.

The ultrasound technician checked over and measured every part of Michael/peanut and said that everything looks good. She said that Michael is in the 65th percentile for babies his age, which is just right. I was worried that she was going to tell us Michael was smaller than average or that something was wrong, so I was quite relieved. When she measured Michael's legs she said they were pretty long and asked if either of us had anyone tall in our families. So I guess he's already taking after Aaron's side in one aspect.

Immediately after finding out the sex, Aaron and I went to the mall and bought a few clothes for peanut:


















And also this fuzzy brown pillow bear that we've been calling Baloo:




















I'll be honest, I kind of want to just keep Baloo for myself, he's so soft and cuddly, haha.

My mom also went out and bought a bunch of clothes at a garage sale a friend of the family's was having. Aaron and I joked last night that Michael has more wardrobe choices than his dad does.

I've definitely been feeling Michael move around a lot more, and on Sunday night as we were reading Where the Sidewalk Ends to him, Aaron was able to feel him for the first time too. I'm also showing more now--I've gained 20 pounds! Even though I know I'm not, I feel huge. This is honestly the most I've weighed since my sophomore year of high school, and this is the most my body has changed since I was around 17, so this is a bit to get used to for me. Today I went out and bought a few new tops that fit me a little better over the stomach. I'll have to have Aaron take a picture of me sometime with my baby bump so I can post it here.

I was feeling kind of down this weekend, because of a combination of things. I've been working a lot--basically everyday I'm at at least one of my two jobs, leaving for school at 7 every morning to go to school and not getting home until close to 11 every night from my retail job. Not ever having any time to just relax and feeling like I always have a mountain of things to do was really starting to get to me. I'm also going though somewhat of a questioning of my identity and wondering how how this new label of mother effects me as a person. Do I still get to be myself? Do I still get to like weird things and talk about politics and dress how I like and say what's on my mind etc etc. These are things I asked myself when I first found out I was pregnant and I don't know that I've figured it out, or really that I will . It will probably be a work in progress, as of course life itself is.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my dad--truly one of the coolest people I have ever known. Thanks for giving me my dark hair and dark eyes, having fantastic taste in music, teaching me how to count money and open a wine bottle, making me see both sides of an argument, taking me to the museum and on bike rides and reading poetry and stories to me every night when I was little.

On Tuesday we find out peanut's gender. That night Aaron and I are having our parents over for dinner to tell them whether it's a boy or girl. Unfortunately, my dad will be out of town for business and won't be able to come. I know he feels terrible about this, but he has to be in D.C., so I'm going to text him (new thing I learned this week--apparently my dad texts all the time on his blackberry, who knew?) right after the midwife appointment, so he'll actually be the first one to know.